Esoteric Festival — 2023
ESOTERIC FESTIVAL
I never could have thought that a festival of 4 days could transform my life so much. In a mere 4 days, I developed new yet authentic friendships, deepened existing bonds, found myself trapped in a dark room inside myself just to eventually dig my way out of it until I saw the shimmering light, renewed my love for dance, bumped into people in a festival of more 5000 people that I truly long for and discovered myself in so many ways that all of this seems too much to be true for a mere 4 days.
The younger me would have never thought that “festivals” could do this to people, especially me. But one thing is for sure that if you keep an open mind and don’t resist yourself, beautiful things happen without you even trying. Sometimes, the best you can do for yourself is just allow the magic to happen. Esoteric Festival is one of the most famed festivals around Australia, known for attracting a very specific demographics who enjoy the spirit of psytrance music. The community of people I shared this space with created such a warm and authentic vibe collectively that without even truly knowing any one, I felt as though I knew every one.
Time and again, I feel this truly powerful goddess inside of me come alive and when she does, she is in harmony with all existence. She is powerful in her vulnerabilities and able to proudly dawn the scars of her turmoils. I greeted her with pleasure as we entered in the arena of Esoteric festival. I know that it’s in spaces like these that she considers worthy of her presence. Moving in the camping grounds full of new faces, hardcore music, eclectic dresses and vibrant energy, I felt her presence. As I pitched my tent, got changed and sniffed my surroundings, I felt a deep sense of belongingness and it’s rare for physical spaces to speak so closely to me in such little time. The independence of being able to interact authentically with new people, create an identity you see fit with your choice in clothing and demeanor you take on, make a shelter for yourself and truly live with no expectations is such a powerful memory of a festival for me. This time, I also got to share this with my soul sister, Ana and when we’re both together in a space like this, I feel so protected and twice as powerful (she probably deserves a blog dedicated just to her).
My first day was a party pooper since I dipped into a very dark part of me that hadn’t been surveilled. I was brushing some battles I was fighting internally under the carpet until the carpet disappeared that day and I had to clean all the dust inch by inch. I felt so much resistance inside of me and while I kept reminding myself of the presence I had when I was surrounded by a community like that and music which I believe is the answer to anything in life, nothing seemed to work. Towards the night, I kept trying to tune into the music but couldn’t find my flow. I ran into a dark corner of the forest and let out the tears that just wouldn’t stop flowing. I’ve always been a person who believes that your perspective on tough situations can be the solution to everything but sometimes, you just have to experience the emotions some situations demand. You have to experience the anxiety, the trauma, the suffering, all the while reminding yourself that this too shall pass. While I cried and cried, I remembered to look up at the stars and tell myself “this too shall pass” and while it didn’t that night, it gave me hope. Abhay continued to surround me with love, telling me that as long as we had each other, we could fight anything. We found a cozy corner that was straight out of a fairytale (then again, the whole festival looked straight out of a fairytale) where we sat in a pool of love, reminding ourselves that we could always find strength in each other when our own tanks seemed empty. We could always park our beautiful machines in each other’s garage and let them charge for as long as they needed to.
As I continued dancing to my battles that night in hope that I could find my strength through music, I opened my eyes to see the guy I’ve come to hold so close to my heart. He’s a beautiful friend and I’ve always found his presence to be so profound and while we never intentionally take out time to see each other, I always manage bumping into him at some of the most intense moments on the dance floor. It’s like you are bonded to some people in a preternatural way and even if you aren’t trying consciously, something deep inside of you keeps you connected to them without you even knowing it. So what did I begin with? Sometimes, the best you can do for yourself is just allow the magic to happen and it truly does.
Sleeping in the tent did not make it easy. After dancing for more than 7 hours, coming back to a tent with mattresses that have been deflated with nothing but a sleeping bag to keep you warm in less than 5 degrees temperature and mud coming out of all the holes in your face, is when you realize the true importance of your bed. Don’t even get me started on the toilets. Air squatting 10 meters above the toilet with full mind control of not looking down the long tunnel of shit and pee beneath you while the smell of human waste wafts straight up your nostrils is when you realize the true importance of surrendering. You just well and truly have to surrender and hopefully in that process, you will feel something cooking up in your bowels ready to come out the other end and leave you feeling free.
The next day was absolute magic. I spent the day healing myself and doing some work on the things that came out the previous night. I danced in the day and bumped into another group of amazing friends yet again reminding me of how magic is everywhere and whoever I’m meant to meet, I will with no effort. Still dancing in the dark memories of the previous day, I went out to explore art by myself. It’s just now at this age I’ve come to realize how transformative the effect of art can be. I called up my best friends to feel the comfort in their voice and remind myself of all that I was grateful for. We danced through out the day and night and yet again, I continued to bump into all the friends I was longing for, by pure luck (or is it luck?). My friends and I found cute warm spots around the festival grounds to talk about our lives, what we believed in, how we dealt with the vagaries of life and I found so much comfort in their presence. We found a party tent later that night where Abhay played and the place was truly nothing short of opportunities and magic.
As we wrapped up to go home the next day, it took a few moments to digest that this vast land of magic was to be packed up. The memories, the people, the alter identities we all took on would retrace their steps until it was time to meet again. I found so much comfort, love and beauty in this place. I guess just opening up to all the experiences around me and trusting that the least I could do was to not resist was all it took for everything to unfold right before my eyes. I came back with so much power and calm that whoever has managed to read this piece this far, I highly recommend going to a festival at least once in your life. When you do, I hope you can start the journey with an open mind and imbibe the intention of letting the magic happen.
