Life Lessons Learned — 28th Birthday
This birthday came with a lot of learnings for me and some of them hit me like bricks. I spent the midnight of my birthday surrounded by some of my favorite faces in the world, giving gratitude for them as I blew my birthday candles, laughing till our eyes ran out of water and yet all the while knowing that years are fading away with nothing to clutch onto except for the construct of memories.
1.One of my first learnings was to embrace the present. As midnight struck, a flurry of calls and texts came pouring in and lovingly, I switched off my 4g and put my phone on DND to give honor to the moment I was then in. I wanted to devote my full energy to the people I was with physically and wear those moments as a blanket of gratitude. As I tucked myself into bed that night, I reminded myself that I will take all the wishes in the morning at a certain hour which will purely be for responding to all the beautiful wishes coming in from friends & family from all around the world and devote myself to the beauty of presence thereafter again.
2. The second learning was not to have expectations. I am so blessed to have friends who take out the time in the day to remember me on my birthday and go so far to get me thoughtful gifts for which I’m grateful every single day. However, I don’t tie them or any one to any expectations. I have come to realize that life will throw you around and put you in all kinds of situations so freeing people of any expectation you have of them is the best thing you can do for them. Let them turn up naked at your door. *Conditions apply
3. Be open-minded. Limiting yourself by judgements & opinions is one of the easiest ways to inhibit learning. It is easier to accept that you are born in a complicated web of life that has outlasted you for eons and will continue to do so. Chances are that one tiny piece of consciousness has not been imbibed with all the knowing so accept you don’t know everything, be inquisitive, open-minded, and ready to welcome stories and learnings from people walking all kinds of paths.
4. Perception & belief is the key to a happy life. Perception relies on your ability to see a situation from your own narrative. A widely perceived sad situation can be perceived as an opportunity to learn by someone else and that simple twist of narration changes everything. Some people through their own narration of situations might never be happy while some people through the same power of narration will always find a way to be happy. It’s all perception. Belief whereas determines the direction towards which you will steer your ship. If you believe that all of life is a game, you will treat as one. If you believe that the purpose of your life is to nurture your character, you will do so.
5. Take chances. Really, who knows what’s after? We all have our guesses, but no one can be certain so take your chances. If you want to put all your eggs in one basket, do it. Make mistakes and learn from them. Take a chance on the wild idea that keeps coming to you but you’re too scared to risk it. All of life is a risk, a gamble.
6. Pause. If there’s music on the street and you love it, don’t just walk by. Stop to listen. If there’s a bird flapping its wings and you can’t get enough of it, pause and watch. Pause because where are we rushing to anyway? *Unless it’s a meeting, then we’re rushing!
7. Don’t let your relationship with your parents hold you back. As a girl who grew up in India, fulfilling my parents’ expectations of me was one of the biggest drivers of anything I did in my life. As I grew up, I steadily started loosening the rope of expectations I was tied to. I came to realize that I’m truly my own person and sometimes, that person doesn’t even agree with many things her parents believe and practice. It’s okay to embrace this transition in life and perhaps extremely important to let yourself blossom the way you were meant to.
8. Don’t infuse your identity in the opinions you hold. Often, we can all fall into the trap of infusing our identity in the opinions we hold, almost to the detriment of having a dialogue. I am still prone to this habit which erodes the essence of a dialogue because you’re too proud to accept an opinion that differs from yours. Embrace debate and come together to find the truth rather than agreeing to disagree. Abhay, my partner, has been the biggest driver in helping me detach my value I infused in knowing things rather than understanding things. One of the derivates of this learning has been to bow out from arguments where people are merely interested in shaping each other’s opinions rather than the quest for truth and learning.
9. I learnt that a relationship is where you uplift each other to thrive to the best of your potential, believe in each other’s ideas when no one else does & encourage each other to take risks. It’s accepting each other as a human being who will have the same challenges as you, but you agree to form a team and knock the challenges out of the park, together. It’s giving each other room to breathe and fly while you warm the nest by yourself until they’re ready to fly back home again. It’s supporting each other, no matter what. It’s praising all kinds of women & men together. It’s walking through the doors of those dark rooms you’re scared to enter within, together. It’s keeping each other in check and lending your perspective to restore balance. It’s knowing deep within that you only have so much time together so you’re going to make the absolute best of it.
10. The world is nothing but a reflection of yourself. One of the greatest treasures of humankind is the ability to change outer aspects of the world through changing their inner attitudes, said someone wise once. And truly think about it — how difficult is it to control every aspect of your environment? It’s an easier choice to change yourself. Unlearn things that don’t serve you anymore.
11. There is so much to learn from spirituality and inner work that applies directly to whatever industry you’re in. For example, empathy & learning to see from someone else’s perspective helps me in becoming both a better human being and a better negotiator at work. Find commonalities between the work you want to do as a human and your play which is your work so you can continue to strengthen the qualities that serve you everywhere.
12. Read less. I’ve read so many books in my life and I barely remember a line from any of them. I want to be able to apply the lessons from books I read in some aspect of my life — even for fiction, I want to be able to completely lose myself in the narrative of the book. I don’t want to be checking books off my list any more just to tell myself I’ve read them.
13. Reaction is your superpower. The way you react to situations in life is one of the most powerful weapons you have at your disposal so use it wisely.
14. Train your mind. Like any other part of your body, your mind is also a tool that’s meant to be trained. Instead of being a slave to your thoughts, endeavour to master them. Every skill requires patience to develop and so does this.
15. Age with pride. Accept that you’re moving with the tide of time so ride high on these tides.
You’re your own human experiment. Play around with your assumptions, your conditioning and everything you’ve learned about yourself, your life, your circumstances and life. Learn, unlearn, relearn. Make mistakes. Be courageous. Love unconditionally. Take risks.
