Outgrowing Friends You Love

This is arguably one of the most difficult topics for me to write about. Even though it’s been circling in my head for the past few months and years even but to write about it means I’m finally accepting it and it’s the acceptance which is so difficult.

In the past few years, I’ve focused intensely on my inner growth. While the initial years starting from the time when I first began studying at the University can be defined by my search for theoretical knowledge that sharpened my analytical mind, the years that followed my graduation can be defined by my search for inner growth that sharpened my creative mind. Throughout these past few years, I’ve maintained old friendships and attracted new ones. I came to see how I was attracting people on a similar path as myself by sheer luck (something to be said here about attracting similar energies which is not sheer luck but what you were destined for). I learn so much from people I surround myself with and whether we like it or not, a very large part of us is defined by the average of the 5 people we see the most. Human beings have the power to transform each other with each little interaction and I can truly attest to that. To bolster that argument further is science which says that one of the quickest ways our brains learn from a young age is to copy people. So unless the people you surround yourself with are growing with equal zeal and vigor as yourself, chances are you will outgrow them to make room for new.

Accepting this has been a very painstaking process. I’ve never been the one to give up on people and relationships. I still talk to the boy who first stole my heart at the tender age of 13. The entire concept of sharing so much of you with someone and not having them in your life has been a very tormenting one so I just never let anyone go. But then I came to realize that I’m not the same person as I used to be when I shared those moments with someone. I’ve outgrown that little girl and I’ve outgrown the beautiful people who shared that space and time with me (as much as they might have).

This struck me recently when a very close friend of mine came to stay with me. He’s always been someone I consider family and we’ve shared some of the most magical moments together. Sharing the same space with him for as long as I did, there was a heavy feeling in my heart that I continued to justify with all kinds of surface level arguments just to realize that I had outgrown him. I didn’t outgrow the love but just outgrew the relationship. It hurts to accept this because when you set out on the path to growth, you might have expectations to outgrow the toxic relationships in your life but you never truly expect to outgrow loving relationships. Now it all makes for a clearer picture for me. You will still be bound by love and gratitude to a lot of relationships but outgrowing them is like standing at an intersection and saying to them “This is the road I have to take. It’s not the same you will take and here’s where we part ways. But don’t forget to call on me when you need me because I will walk in reverse to this very intersection to be there for you and when I have done that, I will walk on my path, again….”

So here’s to lovingly outgrowing people to make room for new……