What does SUCCESS even mean?

I came across this quote on my Instagram recently which said,

“If you don’t define who you are, the world will do it for you”

In this moment, I kept my phone down and began to think about all that I consider a part of my character that were in fact handed down to me by the world, including the meaning of success.

Growing up, success meant becoming rich. No one defined HOW rich or DOING WHAT rich but RICH. When I was graduating school, my dad said, “You will become a CEO one day!” and that was primarily driven by my good grades which in India validates you in all spheres of life & the fervor left by the media on Sundar Pichai becoming the CEO of Google. When Sundar Pichai took the role, millions of Indian parents added one more dream to their catalogue for their children,

“My child will become the next CEO of Google.”

My parents faced financial hardship in different phases of life which naturally made them yearn for financial prosperity for their child and translated neatly into a dream for me. I’ve always admired & been heavily influenced by my dad’s attitude which was always “Go hard or GO HOME!” but he never really defined the process or the HOW of going hard.

So when I came to Australia for my Bachelor’s, I had so much ambition, however in many aspects, completely undirected. At the time, I pursued academic success with good grades, scholarships, associations with the best of schools through exchange programs & taking up every opportunity possible to glorify my resume.

When I graduated, I didn’t feel like a success so I went back home after traveling to study for the Indian Administrative Services, the toughest examinations in the nation for the most coveted job in India. When I didn’t qualify, I felt like a failure. I cried in the arms of my best friend all night while he cajoled me by reminding me that this was just a speck of color in the grand painting of my life.

I decided to go to Singapore to pursue an internship for 6 months. I learned so much about life, but it didn’t necessarily fit the bill for success. I met one of my favorite human beings in Singapore, Sitara, who would later also be my cofounder, however, I didn’t think of success as meeting great people at the time. It was a “nice to have”.

When I started working in Australia, I realized the corporate ladder would be a while of climbing so I founded a startup with Sitara. I believe my ambition to become the next CEO of a unicorn startup preceded my passion for the problem which corrupted my journey of being a founder. Instead of recognizing the smaller successes, I was continuously stressed about not having raised a few millions for my startup or not having a leading market share already. I read media & saw how many founders were applauded for their ability to raise money for their startups. Media began shaping my definition of success, again.

I was always working, doing way more than what I had to to chase success. I was also stressed because my path to becoming a CEO or raising a million dollar round was getting blurrier. Sitara would try to ground me by making sure our team celebrated the smaller successes (which are now quite big to me!) of releasing our first MVP in the market or securing meetings with prospects or having 10 users sign up on the platform.

Immediately after celebrating the smaller successes, I would find myself securing meetings with our prospects around Australia because in my mind, these little successes were still not enough for what we had to achieve. Honestly, I wasn’t even aware of what the team wanted to achieve, my ambition overpowered everything.

A year later, I secured a great position in another firm which at the time I thought, was still something I was settling for since I could do better. Two years later, I sit here writing this blog, and I’m shook at the curves I’ve taken chasing the ever-illusive tail of success. Recently, I tried to practice visualization. I wanted to visualize SUCCESS. My eyes kept battering because I couldn’t. Because I don’t know what success means any more. I don’t even know how we define the basic parameters of success.

Is it a point in time? Ie. You are 35 years old on 14 August and you have $14 million dollar in your bank account + $30 million dollar portfolio = Success

Is it a flow? You continue evolving, no matter the age & outcome, so success is spread out across the timeline of your life.

Is it a financial metric? The money in your bank account

Is it a trait? You are a good human being

Is it a series of smaller successes? You produce a piece of work then another then another

Is it what people say about you? Your friends & family think you’re a success therefore you are

Is it a feeling? You feel like a success

I’m shook that I didn’t question this before. I’m shook that I didn’t spot the pattern of human behavior, ie. chasing one success after the other. I’m shook that I didn’t define success for me so the world continued to define it for me. It impaired my vision for success to a point that I can’t visualize what success is any more.

So while there’s a lot that I don’t know, here’s what I think I do know:

• PROCESS: For me, success seems to be the process, it is the HOW of achieving, not WHAT of achieving. I don’t wish to be wealthy if I don’t enjoy & own the process of becoming wealthy. I don’t wish to be healthy if I don’t enjoy & own the process of what it means to be healthy. My journey matters way more than a few pit stops I make along the way.
• MINDSET: You could be the most successful person on earth for somebody but if your own mind doesn’t see it, then you’re still trapped. Then there’s the consideration of whether you prefer to hone a fixed mindset or a growth because growth mindset allows you to evolve while fixed mindset allows you to cement patterns & behaviors.
• CHARACTER: When you’re out in the world, you can have people validating you for your successes, however, what about behind closed doors? Would you be proud of yourself? Would you be happy & content with your actions? So much of our doing rests on our being so I want to wholly dedicate myself to the being of which doing is only a fraction.
• PEOPLE: I’ve realized that if you don’t have your loved ones to share your defined successes with, it really doesn’t feel like success AT ALL. Sometimes, it takes a closed one to shout at you, “YOU ARE DOING SO WELL!” So maybe sharing success is only a small part of the much larger success of having people you love & cherish around you.
• GRATITUDE: I’ve learned that paying gratitude for all that I am and have is the foundation for everything in life. If I don’t respect where I am in the present, I can’t possibly write my success for the future. Success for me is a flow now and at any given time, you’re living in one of your answered prayers so never forget to look back & see how far you’ve come. Sometimes, gratitude can be all the success you need — when I start paying gratitude to my whole life as is, I don’t see anything more I need. I feel so fulfilled with my present that I don’t have the urge to chase a well-designed future.

For any one looking for a inspiration to draw their blueprint on success, I highly recommend this TED TALK by Ethan Hawke — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRS9Gek4V5Q

My wish for myself and in turn for others is that we continue to relish this journey of self-exploration and while at it, define what success means to us. You might be pleasantly surprised to find out that you’re a SUCCESS right now.